Trials, Tribulations, and the Art of Letting Go

Inhale.

Sit yourself down and breath.Count to ten.

Enjoy those few moments and just simply focus on breathing. Now, come to understand that you’ve had your trials and tribulations. Your patience has been tested, you’ve endured as much as you can, now you have to let go. Of course, it’s going to be hard; coming to the conclusion is hard itself. The most you can do is prepare yourself for the outcome.

Exhale.

Letting go of someone or something is probably the hardest decision you can come across. Every step leading to that moment has counted towards something. Whether you hang on tighter or you slowly let go depends solely on you. You don’t just wake up one morning and decide to let the things in your life go, there’s a reason. Find that reason and make sure it’s a damn good reason so you don’t regret it in the future.

Hold your breath.

Before you say your last goodbyes, hold on to this memory and remind yourself it’s for the better. You’ve come to a conclusion, after many sleepless nights and emotional roller coasters, you’re finally ready to face the truth. Take this moment to cherish the person or item for everything it’s given and taken from you.

Let it Burn.

You know you’re letting go and you know there’s no going back. Let that thought burn you; allow it to stain you so that it will hurt much less in the future. It will be a permanent scar that was earned through trials and tribulations, but a scar none the less.

Finally, Let it go.

Everyone knows that you never really let go when you say you’re letting go. It takes time, patience, and a lot of self-convincing. Once you’ve gone through all the emotions, you reach a point of breaking, also known as the burn, and you know you’re on the path of letting go. Like I said, it’s a process, a long, torturous process.

Collect yourself and smile.

One day, you will really be over it all. It’ll be painful at first, but if you continue living the day, no matter how long the day is, it’ll all get easier. You’ll get busy, you’ll want to be happy again, you’ll be motivated to take the change and make something of it. So, smile because it was worth it.

“Let it hurt then let it go.”

– R.H Sin

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Improve Yourself

Self-Motivation.

I’m at this point in my life where I need to stop relying on other people to make me successful. As a kid, I relied on my siblings and my parents; when I had troubles, they found solutions. Since I was the baby of the family for a good seven years, before my little sister came along, I got used to the feeling of security. I never had to think for myself. I mean, of course, I had to do things on my own, but I always waited for their direction or motivation. Now that I am on my own, I realize that I need to motivate myself.

Do what you need to do to make yourself successful and don’t stop until your dreams become your reality. Cliche right, but it’s good motivation. I’ve realized how lazy I really am. I’ve done little to nothing to succeed and I’ve waited for direction and confirmation since I’ve entered college. I was so busy looking for some type of guidance, waiting for something or someone to find me and “save me” that I didn’t even realize I wasted most of my success by waiting. Now, I’m not saying patience isn’t important. We all know patience is a virtue, but don’t use it as an excuse.

“Working on myself, for myself, by myself.” 

That is my mantra for the rest of 2017. Like most people, my 2016 was not the best and now that we’re a good two and a half months into the new year, I know what I want. Don’t go searching for motivation in things and people that will only chain you to the ground. Find your own motivation within yourself. Trust in yourself, believe in yourself, and love yourself enough to make your dreams a reality. Do good things for yourself and then be patient. Don’t sit around and do nothing and act patient. Good things come to those who wait, but good things only come when you’ve done good. Don’t mistake laziness for patience and don’t do good just to receive good. Make sure your head and your heart is in the right place and life will turn out pretty okay for you.

“Until you value yourself, you won’t value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it. ”
– M. Scott Peck

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Skies are blue.

But they are blue here on Earth too. Don’t go looking for a happily ever after in a place that you’ve only dreamed about.

Life gets hard, bad things happen, but please don’t ever feel like death is the only way out. Suicide is not your only answer.

Never has the words “suicide” and “death” been so prominent in my vocabulary until I’ve reached college. It’s amazing at how many times I’ve learned about a student death since being here. As fun and exciting as college is, it definitely does have its downside. I wish I could say that the college life is always so green and happy but it isn’t.  Sometimes reality yanks you back and you realize that life can be just as shitty as it is happy.

You’ll never know who is thinking about committing suicide. It could be your best friend, your roommate, your friend, or your friend’s friend. People I would’ve never suspected were the ones to actually do it. These thoughts don’t pick and chose their next host, it flows through all of us at least once. Whether it be the pressure of peers, school, or family, it all roots from the same place- a sense of alienation and a feeling of no real choice.

Although I do not support the decision, I understand.  I understand you, and I understand the helplessness, but I urge you to seek another alternative. Find a friend, aunt, uncle, mentor, etc. and tell them your thoughts even if it was just a split second. It isn’t a joke, and it shouldn’t be treated as one.

If you feel like there’s no one to help, please call this line:

 1-800-273-8255.

It’s better to talk to a stranger than to try and make a decision by talking to yourself. If you know someone who is thinking about it, refer them to this site or help them by educating yourself through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.

To all my loved ones that have gone out through suicide and everyone else who felt that it was their only way out, I understand. To all of my love ones that are thinking about it and everyone else who has ever had the thoughts, you are not alone; please seek out alternatives and know that you are not alone.

“We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. “

~Kenji Miyazawa

Dear Lonely Ones

To my forever alone people,

Let’s just all take a moment here to acknowledge our loneliness and cry.

Alright, now that we’ve got our ugly crying out of the way, pick yourself back up, pat yourself on the back, and remind yourself that you are one bad ass individual who doesn’t need anyone but yourself. 

Now that we have overcome those two steps, let’s get down to business. Being in college is pretty lonely, if I were being honest. If you don’t have a significant other, and a very small friend group, life can just stall sometimes. Since Valentine’s Day is coming up pretty soon you’ll be able to feel the lonelinessx10. That’s why I’m here to pick up all the pieces or at least try to.

It’s okay to be lonely.

When you are lonely, you have time to think. Although most thinking can be dangerous, it can also help you see the light. You’ll realize so much about yourself and the people around you. If you can realize the value in those thoughts you can see the positive side of it all.

You’ll come to cherish yourself a little bit more. Think of this loneliness as a way to build yourself. I know in today’s society, a lot of people believe that in order to build yourself you need to do it with someone special. I’m here to tell you that’s not true at all. Although it may be nice to have someone there to support you and grow with you, it isn’t needed to help you grow. Grow as an individual and figure out what you like and don’t like. Find out what you love about yourself and what you don’t love. Take this time to find your self-worth so that you will always know your worth with or without a significant other.

Pamper your loneliness. Nurture it and acknowledge it so that in the future you will know exactly how to deal with it. Sometimes all you need to do is encourage your loneliness so you can go on an adventure of self-exploring. Of course, I’m not telling you to be lonely forever and just mope. What I’m saying is don’t ignore it and pretend you’re happy. You can fake it as much as you want but eventually someone, maybe even yourself, will call you out on it.

All in all, loneliness is normal.

If you find yourself feeling a little lonely, take advantage of it to improve something. If you’re feeling a little lonely on Valentine’s day, become your own valentine and pamper yourself. One day the loneliness will end because you did something about it, so be proud of that.

Sincerely,

The loneliness one of all.

Just kidding. I’m pretty content with myself and life right now… I think.

“Sometimes you just have to stand alone  just to make sure you still can.” 

-Unknown

Friend or Foe?

Are you my friend or are you a foe?

College is a place where you test the waterworks of adulthood, at least that’s what I was told. See, I assumed it would be a place where you get to explore who you are or who you want to be. I never realized it also showed who you could carry and who you had to drop. Lately, I’ve learned a lesson or two about friendship and how I function in that particular relationship. As much as I want to say that I am the better friend, I know it’s a complete lie.

You see, when you attend college, you never really know how to react to people. You would like to think that the people you spend every day with will develop a bond that is almost protective of you. Unfortunately, that’s not always the case. You have to realize that when you first meet a person, you both still have that “dog eat dog” mentality. You want to trust that this person is being your friend, but you also realize you don’t know enough about them, which automatically defaults them to a foe. As sad as that is, I guess we just have to realize that we are just selfish individuals.

Now, with that being said, not all foes will stay as foes. People are this way, especially in our generation, because we don’t really know what loyalty is. We’ve never been shown what a true relationship is because we’re always competing to be the best. I’m not saying I’m some expert psychologist, but within my experiences, this is the mentality of us all. As much as it sucks, we just need to realize that patience is key.

Be patient with me and I’ll return the favor.

I’ve learned that people crave loyalty and a sense of belonging. No matter what happens, if you truly feel like a friendship can last, continue to show that loyalty until you can no longer do it. If they eventually return the loyalty, then you both win. If they don’t, and you know you’ve given all that you could, just turn around and walk away. When you’re gone, they’ll realize what they lost one day and go searching for another you. Friend or foe, you can always tell and if you can’t, just be patient and time will tell.

“I think I might keep you. You understand me.” 

-My best friend

Lazy Friday Activities

Every other college kid dreams of having no classes on Friday; it’s the perfect schedule, honestly. You don’t have to get up early, and you can stay up as late as you want on Thursday. It sounds good until that one Friday comes around where there is absolutely nothing to do, then what are you left to do? If it’s warm out, you could explore but what about when it’s cold?

If you go to a small college like me, I promise you that there is absolutely nothing to do if you are broke, can’t drive, and too stubborn to go out in the cold. I’ve literally done nothing all day today except my homework. As encouraging as it is to do your homework, it’s not what I want to do on a Friday and because of that, I’ve compiled a list of things you could do instead of your homework.

Read a book.

I know, I know, how is it any better than homework? Think of it this way, you’re getting the opportunity to pick what to read and you’re doing it on your own terms. Doesn’t that make reading ten times better; to be able to do it on your own free will.

Book Recommendation: 

Ten Tiny Breath Series by K.A Tucker

Sparrow by L.J Shen

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini

Throne of Glass series by Sarah J. Mass

Watch a movie/binge watch Netflix.

Movies are always the go-to when there is nothing for me to do. It’s fun watching it by yourself, but getting together with a group of friends is even better. It’s okay to talk and joke while watching with your friends because if it’s the right group of friends, it’s not annoying but entertaining.

Movie Recommendations:

Love Rosie

The Impossible

Zootopia

Netflix Binge: 

Grey’s Anatomy

New Girl

The Vampire Diaries

Law and Order: Special Victims Unit

Hang out with your friends.

I know that “me time” can be very special to some people, and it is very much needed from time to time especially if you’re living in the dorms, but seek out your friends every now and then. People aren’t joking when they say that these friends will last a lifetime. You’ll spend so much time with them, late nights and all, that as a result, you’ll build a bond so strong it’s scary.

Reenact your childhood.

Build a fort. No, seriously, build a fort with your friends. You’re never too old to play. It can range from playing board games, card games, marco-polo, or even hide and seek. I mean come on, if you’re living in a dorm, hide and seek will probably be the most exhilarating games ever. 

Be active.

Trust me when I say freshmen 15 is real. You don’t have to be outside to be active. Use your surroundings; run up and down the stairs, do lunges up and down the stairs, etc. Just use your imagination, grab a couple friends, and who knows, maybe working out will be fun.

And We’re Adulting in 3…2…1

Heeelllllooooo adulthood!

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Nice to meet you, I’m childhood and I must say I was not ready for any of this. I just wanted to dip my big toe into the water to test it out and before I knew it, this huge current dragged me in and dropped me in the deepest end of adulthood.

I’m pretty sure this isn’t as bad as I’m making it because I know it’s only going to get worst, but can we just acknowledge the huge reality check that I, along with all my other freshies, just received. I mean, everything was good; FAFSA covered my tuition, I only had to take out three-thousand in loans, and I have a job that pays. Life was sweet for the most part, BUT THEN, I come home and had the good sense to check my loans and seven dollars have been added to my loans.

SEVEN DOLLARS?!? SEVEN FREAKING DOLLARS?!

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Okay, okay, it’s not even that bad, but dude that’s seven mcchickens if you think about it! I knew the interest would eventually build, so I don’t know why I’m so surprised, but it was definitely a reminder that I needed to stop playing around. After that, I spent most of my winter break applying for scholarships, more jobs, and sleeping. (Don’t judge me, adult stuff is hard.) Even through all of that, I still feel like a complete mess.

Legally, I’m an adult, but I still have the mentality of a seven year old. Like most people my age, I’m left feeling like a bag of struggle, regret, and exhaustion. As fun as the college life is, it also requires a sense of maturity that most of us have not developed yet(aka me). So, to all the children stepping into adulthood now, or who have already been dragged in unwillingly, hang in there.

It’s hard at first, and it’ll continue to get hard, but that’s okay. You’ll have responsibilities that you didn’t even know were responsibilities. You’ll experience some type of culture shock, and you’ll make friends that will either support you or leave you hanging. “Adulthood” isn’t meant to scare you, but to make you grow and realize all the potential you have. Of course, I wouldn’t follow my advice word for word, keep in mind I’m going through the struggle just as much as you, but hang in there. If it gets too hard, just stop; take a deep breath, get yourself some comfort food, and resume when you are ready.

“It takes courage to grow up and become  who you really are.”

-e.e cummings